Negotiating…with Yourself

You walk by the box of donuts that someone brought to the office, and you immediately begin negotiating - with yourself. Your mind goes into this two-sided argument about whether or not to grab one of these forbidden rings of sweet, fried dough. One part of your mind says “No, I decided that I was going to stay away from this kind of food.” Another voice says, “But if I stick to just one…” You may even walk away after that moment, only to return later to have the same argument with yourself again. Come back enough times and you will almost certainly be eating a donut. Then the next negotiation may ensue: Since I’ve already had one, and violated my commitment, I might as well have another. I’ll recommit tomorrow.”

Does this sound familiar? Maybe donuts aren’t your thing. Maybe it’s buying a new purse, or going for that second (or third) cocktail. The point is that we are negotiating with ourselves all day long about different things. Should you respond to that email, or go to Facebook? Go to a party tonight, or study for an exam?

I’ve read several books on negotiation in an effort to be a better negotiator with myself and improve my odds of success in life. There is Start with No, Getting to Yes, Never Split the Difference and others. The most impactful though is a book from 1993 by Chester Karrass called The Negotiating Game. In the most scientific approach to studying negotiating that I’ve read, Karrass proves a simple and interesting fact: The person who goes into a negotiation with the highest expectations wins. It’s that simple. Raise your expectations and you increase your odds of success. When your expectations are high enough, even you don’t get everything you want, you will still get more than you would with low expectations.

Expect More!